New Year, New Mantra

So, I’m sitting here at Whole Foods minding my own business and I’m watching (and judging) this girl who is silently weeping. I immediately have a number of thoughts on this.

Tv Sad animated GIF1. Having a meltdown in public in the city is not a big deal. In my hometown, if you were to display this type of behavior, someone would immediately call your mom or the cops.
2. I’ve so been that girl and it sucks.

3. I can almost guarantee those tears were because of a guy.

This perfectly describes me EVERY single year!

Guys are scary! It has been my game plan since moving here to remain unattached. So far, this plan has been going great! I come home from every lackluster date, make a list of all the reasons why the guy was not my soulmate and then repeat my mantra (pictured left).

Because quite frankly, the idea of giving part of myself to someone is terrifying. Not one of my romantic ventures has ended gracefully. In fact, they’ve all been rather cataclysmic. Yes, I’m equating all my breakups to violent, natural events and for those of you that know me, I don’t think this is much of an exaggeration. It’s not that I’m damaged or have weird baggage (maybe only like a metaphorical carry-on), it’s just that I’m not a complete masochist and I don’t want to put myself through all that agony again. Things can only end two ways, good or bad, but they end regardless right? Unless, I find “the one”, which is terrifying on a whole new level.

Tv New York City animated GIF

The only problem with this “I’m avoiding love and relationships at all costs” thing is that what happens when someone comes along who challenges my mantra? I’ll tell you what happens. I misinterpret those butterflies as nausea and immediately turn to WebMD to solve my problems, which only succeeds in convincing me I have a serious medical ailment. I also take every opportunity to warn them to stay away from me. I employ just about every defense mechanism in the book. And if after all that, they’re still around then maybe I need to just get over myself and take the plunge.

So, maybe as I embark on my second year in the city, it’s time for a new mantra. One that is a little less closed off. And maybe it’s just another step to being an adult or maybe it’s another mistake waiting to happen. Either way, I think it’s time for a change. I’m by no means looking for anything but I’m done pushing everything away. 

If you search for what's wrong with the world, you are creating problems.

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