If you are reading this, please take a moment to say a little prayer for the roomie and I as we embark on this masochistic quest commonly known as the five day juice cleanse.
It all began while we were skimming Groupon and stumbled upon this little gem of a deal. On a computer screen, five days of juice looks like a one way ticket to the land of skinny jeans. Obviously, we jumped onboard without a moment’s hesitation.
So, my juices arrive last night and I’m unloading them into the refrigerator…it’s five days, six juices a day, 30 BOTTLES OF JUICE. Fortunately, our refrigerator is empty of any sustenance aside from vegan protein bars, Prosecco and Stella Artois so there was plenty of empty space. As I was unloading the boxes, I even took time to organize my juices so that all the juices for each day were in the order that I need to drink them. Whoa. I was feeling pretty good about myself and what I’d accomplished so far. I’m thinking, “Wow! This juice cleanse is already making me a better person! Five days of strange liquids will be so worth it! Yay juice!”
Well, I woke up this morning and everything changed. My gay best friend, the Will to my Grace if you will (lol see what I did there?), had spent the night and we had made plans to get get breakfast. Funny thing about juice cleanses, you can go out to meals with people you just cannot partake. So, that was one thing. The next is that coffee is off limits meaning I am running loose on the streets of Manhattan without any caffeine in my system. A Public Service Announcement needs to be released warning all inhabitants of the island.
It hasn’t even been one day yet.
So, please. If you’re still reading this and you have ever loved/are seriously considering ever loving me, say a little prayer. Peace, love, and 27 juices left to go.