(The End of) A Bug’s Life

This morning began like so many others. I rolled out of bed in a daze, made a cup of coffee and moseyed on over to the bathroom to jump in the shower. You can only imagine my reaction when I pull back the shower curtain and find a MASSIVE UNIDENTIFIABLE INSECT crawling up the wall.

First of all, rude. Secondly, how the hell was I going to deal with this!? 
Cue a minor meltdown/freak out/slew of obscenities.

My initial instinct was to ignore the issue; my standard response for moments in time involving bugs of any sort. There was this time last summer where a FLYING COCKROACH was terrorizing my roommate and I in the middle of a heat wave in Kansas. Our apartment had no A/C but rather than deal with the problem, I chose to hide under the blankets and have a heat stroke. Eventually I manned up and herded the terror into the bathroom where I proceeded to smash it with a Cinderella playbill the next morning.

But I digress. 

So here I am, bleary eyed and vulnerable, face to face with this creature that gives me the jitters despite the fact that I am approximately 100 times bigger.  After maybe 10 seconds of denial/general resentment towards all vermin I was prepared for battle.
Ultimately, what choice did I have? I really needed to wash my hair so I smashed that little shit and washed it down the drain.
Needless to say, I’d make a terrible Buddhist and that was the quickest shower of my life.

Namaste, friends.

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