I Tell Myself

I called last night.
At 2am.

I was never a drunk dialer before you.
What is it about you?

There’s always a chance you’ll answer.
At least that’s what I tell myself.

Just like I tell myself there’s a chance I’ll see you on the street.
Remember that time? 
I wasn’t paying attention. 
I didn’t see you 
walking straight towards me.
You ran up,
grabbed my face,
gave me the quickest, fiercest kiss

to which my response was to squeal 
with surprise and delight. 
And then you were gone.
It was a moment in the woods
as Sondheim would say. 
People around us thought you were crazy. 
I thought you were amazing.

You didn’t answer.
I’ve been told the worst thing you can do to someone is ignore them.

I tell myself it’s for the best.

I tell myself there’s some part of you that still cares about me.
I tell myself that’s why you ignore me.
I tell myself that you’re doing what’s best for us.
I tell myself that there’s nothing more to say.
I tell myself it’s done.
I tell myself to move on.
I tell myself to stop.
But when’s the last time you took your own advice?

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