Personal

Why is it so hard for you to share your writing?

It’s getting harder to share.
It’s getting scarier to share.
It’s personal.

It’s personal.

It’s been personal for a while 
It’s been personal for a while 
but this is different.
with you it’s different.

It’s a challenge.
It’s a thrill.

You actually read what I write.
What do you actually think my writing?
Does it scare you?
Does it scare you?
Does that matter?
What I write matters.
I write for me.
I write about you.
I don’t care what other people think.
I do care what you think.

Sometimes I wonder about the people I’ve written about.
Sometimes I wonder about the feelings I’m figuring out.
Not just you.
Because of you.
He didn’t read my writing towards the end.
You’ve read my writing from the start.
I don’t know what’s happening.
I know exactly what is happening.

I feel like I’m having an affair
It’s like I’m having an affair
with language.
with you.
I keep reading poems,
I know I need to stop.
looking for quotes
I know I should quit.
listening to songs.
I am trying. 
I am trying to write the way my brain works.
I am doing a shitty job
It’s personal.
It’s terrifying
My brain is personal.
My words are personal.

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