That Feeling

He says he needs to be honest about something.
You see the “…”
and you start imaging what the next message is going to be.

You feel your stomach grip.
You feel your body brace
You feel tears begging to burst.

It’s happening.
I don’t want these.

Is it about the writing?
Please don’t let it be about the writing.
What am I going to do if it’s about the writing?

Oh, thank god.

You must be joking.
At least it’s not the writing.

Oh my god.
Are you kidding me?
Not again.

Why did I let this happen?

You would’ve actually
but you didn’t actually
so there’s one to blame actually.

You shouldn’t have gotten so carried away.
You knew this was going to happen.
You did try to stop yourself. 

You were already falling.
You are smarter than that.
Open the message.

Let him know you fucking saw it.
Everyone should have read receipts.
Let him know you took your time to respond.

And Kelsey-
make him wait.
Let him wonder.

I am writing you out
like the one before.
I really hope you see this.

I’m an idiot. 
My hands are shaking

Why the fuck can’t I catch a break?
I think I’m going to get sick.
That feeling.

Oh fuck.
Oh god.

Get a grip Kels.
Be efficient.
Protect your heart.

                                                                *Read at 8:24pm
Fuck you.
I thought this was different.
I felt things that were different.

Are you satisfied?
I am.
You were waiting for my response?

What if I deleted the thread?
Is that a big enough ‘fuck you’?
But we have the best banter.


Call a friend.
Jesus Christ.
He’s giving you back your own advice.

You thought you were so smart?
Where was it going anyway?
Did your brain completely melt in the sun? 

It demands to be felt
Get it out.

Look what she did.
He broke her heart.
She changed the world.

He was too.
Nobody saw it coming.

there is nothing I can do
But let this go.

It’s happening
exactly the way it’s supposed to happen.
Let it happen

That feeling.
Find the words for
that feeling.

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