A Love Letter

Dear New York,

You were all I thought I ever wanted.
But now I don’t know what I want.

So where does this leave us?

When I look back on the time we’ve shared,
I see a life that no longer satisfies me.
Please know that I wouldn’t want to change anything about our time together.
I learned a lot from you.
I would argue that the greatest lesson I learned is that you are not for everyone.

So where does this leave us?

A lot of shit has gone down the last few months.
I was starting to feel like I wanted something else.
But like in any relationship where every day is a fight just to get by,
the longer I stayed in this relationship,
the more I lost sight of what it is that I want.
I was not okay and I’m not sure you are what I need right now.

So where does this leave us?

You learn about different kinds of bias in psychology.
It’s hard for me to look back because hindsight is 20/20.
It’s hard for me to see my own faults/mistakes because I always do the best I can.
How can we blame or get mad at anyone for that?

So where does all this leave us?

Well, I am leaving you. For now.
I need time and space.
How much?
I don’t know.
But I do know that I have to give myself a chance.
A chance to figure myself out- away from you.

You will always be there for me.
You were always there for me and the 8.5 million other people
that you’re in a relationship with at any given moment.
We loved each other the best way we knew how.

New York,
you ugly, smelly, gritty, dirty, beautiful, decadent, vibrant, rude city,
I am out of words for you.

“If you love something, let it go. If it was meant to be, it will come back to you.”
– Cecelia Ahern, author 


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