Back pain and flowers.

This is 2020.
27 is weird.
It’s up and down.
A boy bought me flowers.
My back hurts.
But what is pain?
Can I just will it away?
Am I going to run tomorrow?
Why not?
What is it about being bought flowers that I love?
Is it the conditioning, maybe?
They make my room smell nice
and they’re beautiful.
That’s what I love about these flowers.
And I love the boy who bought them.
But my back still hurts
and I don’t know what to do about it.
Is this aging?
Is this what they mean when they say your body will change?
I tried on some outfits for tomorrow
and I don’t love them.
My body has changed
since the last time I put those outfits on.
I’m not that person anymore.
It’s fine.
I’m radically accepting that.
It’s a work in progress.
But how do I make it better?
How do I hurt less?
I always want to be better.
The flowers are really nice.
Thank you.

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