Thinking back

I never thought this is where I’d be. I never could have predicted that this is where the world would be. Thinking back on these past few weeks and it amazes me how much has changed. That’s what happens when the world is upended by a viral pandemic. This is unlike anything I’ve seen before. It’s hard to think about what I want my life to look like when this is over. When is this going to be over? I don’t know how this is going to end.

I’m thinking about law school. I think this ends with law school. That thing I said I didn’t want. Well, I changed my mind. I woke up and changed my mind. So that’s the current target. Thinking back, it makes sense. I’ve always loved arguing with people. Debating. Getting into intense conversations. I’m good at it. I like defending my opinions. I don’t mind being challenged. I thrive on it actually. I’m laughing thinking back to that time I got into it with my new boyfriend’s father after Thanksgiving dinner over nature versus nurture. I don’t remember what my stance was but I remember holding my own and I know he was impressed because he mentioned it to my parents.

So here’s a new challenge- law school. It’s been a while since I really committed myself to something. Now feels like a good time. Starts with a test. All I have to do is take a test. Thinking back on the last time I studied for an admissions test, I was very motivated to do well and I did but that was over 10 years. So much has happened since then. It’s an option I didn’t want to even seriously consider 2 years ago. Thinking back, I never really entertained the thought but now I can’t put it down. Why not? Go get a law degree and then I can do whatever the hell I want. It’ll be a lot of work but I’m ok with that.

This is the kind of choice that shifts a lot. Feels like an appropriate response to the times. Corona made me do it. Corona gave me an abrupt ending to a chapter of my life that I knew needed to end. Goodbye, New York. We were never a good fit. Not to say there weren’t a lot of really good moments. There certainly were. There were also a lot of pain. Our time is over and it’s too close to think back on today but some day.

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