Rage

Where does it come from? Is it the byproduct of toxic masculinity? What is this rage that you carry around inside you? The thing that I’m so conscious of not provoking because even in the smallest amounts, it’s not pleasant. What is your deal? Why are you so quick to let it out around me? What is it? I don’t understand.

I don’t understand why you get so defensive so quickly. Why do you get so irritated when things don’t go your way or people make choices you don’t agree with? Why do you assume the worst and then tout it like it’s fact? Why do you get so angry if I see it differently?

I don’t like being around someone who is so prickly. It’s not fun to navigate life in such close proximity to you. I think it says something that most of the time you’ve been here, we’ve spent apart. Everything is fine until something sets you off and then I want to get away from you. I don’t like being around it.

I wonder who you would be without it. It makes me sad that I find myself wishing for that version of reality. I don’t know how to deal with this reality. What can I do? I’ve never known what to do except put distance between us. There has to be a better way.

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