It’s fall and is it so wrong

It’s Saturday morning. I’m waiting for it to warm up so I can get outside and make the most of this gorgeous, sunny (fall) day. It was grey and dreary the last few mornings but today is different. I killed time listening to Billie Holiday and writing in my journal. Who still keeps a journal? I thought about what it would be like to not be alone but it didn’t make me sad, it didn’t really make me anything. I love the way my life looks alone. I made myself a fancy coffee. Fancy in that I steamed some milk and threw it on top. I’ve been hot and cold with coffee. I don’t love it but I like it enough that every once in a while it’s nice. I could say the same thing about a few other things. Like dating apps. I swiped a little last night and matched with a handsome gent who lives in a sprinter van. It always surprises me when it’s a match.

I watched a documentary last night on the problems that social media creates. It makes me think about what I could get done if I stopped scrolling. Maybe that’s how the book, a book, my book gets written. I have a book sitting here written by someone I know. Someone I know wrote a book. My high school English teacher. She wanted to be a writer though. What makes me think I could write a book? Because every once in a while, I read something and think I could’ve written that or I could’ve written something like that but here I am writing about writing and not writing.

I thought about you as I was enjoying my morning. I just wonder what your life looks like, I can’t help it. Not that I’d want to change anything about what is because now I hear the songs that were ever so present in my ears back then, they’re great songs and they were great times, and that’s that. It’s easier to handle the memories with distance, with time. I thought about you when I was walking by the river in the afternoon. I thought about what it would be like if you were there. It’s not that I wished you were there I just wondered what it’d be like. Is it so wrong? It’s fall and is it so wrong to wonder what it’d be like to not be alone?

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