Nothing like a solid dose of disappointment to force you to deal with reality. The last few weeks were fun, not knowing but hoping for the best. Ignorance can be a blissful state but now the information has presented itself and I have to make a decision and I’m bummed with what I’m working with. It’s not what I expected, I knew it was a possibility but didn’t give it any real consideration. So here I am, exactly where I did not want to be. Now what? Now I have to swallow this tough pill, eat this humble pie and eventually decide what I’m going to do about it. But for now, I’m going to sit in this moment. I’m going to take the day to feel the almost sadness, to accept the new reality. No sense in denying it and no sense in beating myself up about it for whatever I may have done to bring this on. In the words of Michelle Obama, “It is what it is.”
Tomorrow will come and it’s a chance to reset. Knowing what I know now, how will this go be different? Am I willing to do everything in my power to avoid that disappointment again? The worst part of that feeling is the part that comes from my knowing that I can do better. It’s the part of me that won’t be satisfied until I see what I want. But is this really what I want? I’m having a hard time answering that question. That’s been the case for a while now. But this feeling, this disappointment? This I know I do not want.