The kind of person

I never thought I'd be the kind of person who makes their own granola but here I am standing over the stove keeping a careful eye on this mixture so the sugar doesn't burn becauseI don't want to mess this up. I think I burnt the sugar last time. That or using dark brown sugar [...]

Trust

I don't know if I trust myself. Is that bad? Do I need to be more sure of myself? Is that the secret? I'm skeptical. I know certain things about myself. I know I haven't always been trustworthy. I trust that I can't be trusted all the time. Can anyone be trusted like that? Do [...]

Already forgotten

Already forgotten

Learning about the death of someone you used to know is not the way anyone wants to wake up. Alas. I haven't thought about this person in years. How many lifetimes ago was that? This is a thing I'm noticing about getting old. The older I get, the more death I encounter. Is death something [...]

Words

Do words really have any value? They don't last. It's too easy to redact old ones, to take something nice and turn it gross. It turns out, all those things I said with you, to you, about you, were lies. You thought I was sincere but I never meant any of it. Words can hurt. [...]

Learning

There are some things I will never know. There is some pain I will never understand, that I can't even begin to imagine. It's hard to look at what's happening.I'm learning there are things I have not wanted to see. I don't understand how people can treat each other this way. I'm scared. I'm sad. [...]

If I saw you now

I wonder what it would be like if I saw you now. I wonder how it would feel to see your face. The thought isn't unpleasant.Does attraction ever completely fade?Depends. I don't think it would be like it was but I think it would be there to some degree. How can it not? I think [...]

Writing a feeling

I'm sitting cross-legged on the living room floor. The sliding glass door is cracked open and the air blowing in is chilly but the sunlight pouring in is warm. It's so windy I can hear the trees rustling even though I turned up the volume on the stereo. I'm dropping-in to my childhood with this [...]

Sit.

Don't run.Stay.Don't leave.Listen.Don't ignore.Sit.In it.With it.For as long as it takes.Deal with it.Don't push it away.Feel the discomfort.The reckoning.Don't numb.Feel where it hurts.Don't rushand don't dwell.Breathe.Slow down.The only way out is through.There's no avoiding it.Sit.Still.Silently.Stop rationalizing.See the truth.It hurts.The truth hurts.So what.Sit down.

I don’t have to

I don’t have to

I don't have to if I don't want to and it's ok that I'm not going to. It feels like a chore.It wouldn't be sincereso what's the point? Am I really obligated? I don't think so. I don't have to and I don't need to so I'm not going to. People may not agree. People [...]